Note: The following post is made possible by my mother for you see I am no longer allowed to bring up this topic in front of her. She’s tired of me stepping on my soapbox and preaching about how much I despise this American holiday.
Ah…good ol’ Christopher Columbus Day. The morning route to work was dead. How many people really get the day off? I know I was off all throughout my schooling and that the banks and post offices have off. But what I would like to know is WHYYYYYY?
Why do we as Americans celebrate this day? Christopher Columbus, as we all know, was a complete moron. He sailed in the wrong direction, landed thinking he was in the West Indies, and started calling everyone Indians. And, according to the People’s History (read it…I’ve heard good things) was a really cruel, moronic person.
I am utterly appalled that we celebrate this man every year. Especially in South Philly…oh boy do we eat up this day up here! A parade and little red, white, and green flags everywhere! Holy people and polictical people of all sorts parading down the streets; shaking people’s hands while smiling and waving. Then there’s high school kids from all over the Philadelphia area marching, screaming, and running. And tons of food (the only good thing from my point of view). The word “tons” doesn’t justify it. There’s bloomin’ onions, pizza, sausage, pasta, meatball sandwhiches, cheesesteaks, pasteries, etc. People do Italian dances and sing Italian music. It pretty much becomes Italian Pride Day.
But why celebrate such a horrible person? Yes he DID technically make a heavy impact on our history but, I feel, it’s nothing to celebrate. This might sound a little crazy but, oh I don’t know, maybe…just maybe…we should be celebrating AMERIGO VESPUCCI? Ya know…the guy AMERICA is named after? The SMART Italian navigator who knew EXACTLY WHERE THE HELL HE WAS GOING (after the first attempt of course)? As one educational site says “Columbus found the new world, but Vespucci was the man who recognized that it was a new world.”
But no, every year, we continue to celebrate Columbus the asshole. I planned to wear a handmade Amerigo Vespucci shirt to the parade yesterday but had to attend a christening instead. Oh well, I guess there is always next year…or the year after that…or the year after that
Riot’s conclusion: COLUMBUS SUCKS! AMERIGO IS AWESOME! Let’s celebrate!